3 MONTHS!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Today I realized that it has been three months since I lived by myself in my own apartment. I started thinking back when I was still living in Brawley. I was in the middle of my second year at Imperial Valley College and started thinking about moving to San Marcos to attend CSUSM even though I hadn't been accepted yet. I remember looking online for apartments and mapping out the closest areas where I could live. I never once thought about the dorms only because I wanted to get an apartment that accepts dogs so I can take my Bitsey. Well, after a few convincing conversations between my friends Andrea and Kyle and myself, I thought, what the hey, my mom can take care of Bitsey and I can meet new friends in the dorms. The dorm was fun and all (other than the racial arguments) but I still was yearning for that independence to have my very own place. I was actually the first girl in my family to move away to college and even though that is considered independent, I wasn't truly convinced I was. So, I knew I had to work hard and I knew that the key factor in order for me to become completely independent was to finish school and obtain a decent paying job. Well, it's been five years since I moved from Brawley and even though I probably could have gotten my own place sooner than three months ago, I got used to the idea and comfort of roommates.

In the midst of having roommates coming in and out of my life, I sort of lost the idea of wanting to live on my own. For one, roommates are fun. Two, they become your best friends. And three, rent is cheaper! But as I was getting closer to finishing school, and less privacy to a point where there were six people living in a three bedroom apartment, the feeling to get my own place was coming back to me and it was coming back hard. So, I had decided that when school ended I would move out and not roommate with anyone. Not even a relative! Sorry Jo and Shisha! So today I celebrate the three month anniversary to placing my deposit for my first own apartment. Yay me!

I remember the first few nights I spent alone at my place. I had the majority of furnishings but was still missing a lot. My sweet sister Vanessa (Shisha) stayed with me the first two nights and helped me unpack. On the third night, I was alone. I remember getting that "Oh my God, what do I do now" feeling as I locked the door behind her. I remember looking around wondering and thinking "ok, well this is it." As I sat on my red couch to watch America's Funniest Home Videos, I remember laughing and stopping myself realizing "there's no one here to laugh with." That night as I proceeded to go to bed, I left the kitchen light on, the living room tv on, my bedroom tv on, and my closet light on. Please hold your laughter as this is a first I am admitting and quite embarrassing. Yes, it was a bit scary but necessary to waste so much electricity. The following night I did the same, until soon afterwards I slowly got used to the fact this is my life now, and that I should grow the hell up. And I have! I no longer need lights or tv noise to keep me company for I have matured and learned to live by myself. However, living by myself has taught me a few things about myself. For one, when there is no one else to consider, you don't have to be clean. The more I told myself "this is my house, and I do what I want" the messier I got. Of course, I wouldn't be this messy when guests would come over. I made my place presentable and clean. But as soon as they were gone, it started all over again. I'm not normally a messy person. I consider myself pretty organized. I even alphabetize my CD's. However, it just seemed easier and convenient to leave my dishes in the sink, leave my dirty laundry on my bedroom floor, and pretty much just let go of everything. After all, no one was going to see it. It's my own freakin' apartment! But then it started to get old. I wasn't raised like this. When I was living with my mom, I had to do chores every weekend. And it just wasn't mediocre chores; it was sweep, mop, dust, clean kitchen, bathroom, etc. So, I had to change my ways. Besides, I got tired of not finding everything. There was a point when I couldn't find one single clean cup. I had to wash one everytime I used it. But now I've changed my ways. I've managed to stay clean. I think what I went through was probably a rebellious stage of feeling liberated. But it's over now and I'm happy. Satisfied :)