Fate vs. Fight

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine who was going through a hard time because her ex boyfriend of four years had just told her he got married. They had been broken up for the past year and a half but often kept in touch. I tried to console her as she wept and explained to me how she always thought they would end up back together. She went on to tell me that he was “the one” she was supposed to end up with but now that he got married, it turned her life around on what was supposed to be her fate.

My friend’s heartbreak over the whole situation got me thinking about who she was “destined” to be with. If she is 100% sure that he is “the one” she is supposed to be with for the rest of her life, should she fight to get him back, or accept fate by letting him go and have a happy marriage?

I struggle with the idea of fate (or destiny - as others call it) because to me I feel that fate is a premeditated notion that life is planned out. If we as human beings are given the gift of life and are free to decide what or how we choose to live it, then doesn’t fate stop that? If you believe in a fate, does that mean you lose freedom of how different you can live your life because you are following and living what you believe is your destiny? Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of fate because I think there are certain aspects of life that feel so right it was destined to happen. However, how does one know there isn’t more out there than what you think you already have and need? Is there a balance between free will and following your fate?

I guess 90% of me doesn’t believe in fate because I refuse to think there are people in the world that are meant to be murderers or terrorists. I have a strong feeling that fate is a balancing spiritual power between free will and the people you meet in life. I don’t think you are destined to do just one thing because you happen to be good at it. When people say “I was meant to do this. This is my fate” I feel they say it because they have found their calling in life which is a part of living our free will and figuring out what we are good at. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be that good on anything else. It just means that you limited yourself to what you believe is best. But how do you know you’re not “destined” to do something else? At the same time, fate, to me, is believing that you are meant to know the people you meet. In my fate, I believe that I’m supposed to have five sisters, two brothers, and two wonderful parents. I believe I’m “destined” to have Andrea as my best friend of 15 years. I believe it is my fate to have such wonderful family and friends surround me, but I don’t believe that my life is pre-planned to figure out what it is I’m supposed to do in life. This is where our free will as human beings comes in. Life is an adventure. Not a designed roller coaster where you can see when the next big drop or raise is coming.

So for those of you who are strong fate believers, as my broken-hearted friend is, do you fight for what you think you are “destined” to have, or do you let your life continue on knowing it wasn’t “meant to be?”