Just One More Thing….

I know my last post was a bit of a drag and a Debbie Downer but there’s just one more thing I want to add: I’m not really looking for the perfect guy. Or, for that fact, even looking for anyone at all. I’m not out there searching for the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Like I wrote in my November 2010 blog (For the Love of the Game), I’m not into the whole “When’s my Prince Charming going to come?” type of thing. I may take a chance on someone to get to know them, but I’m not going to waste my time wondering if the next guy I date will be the person I end up with for the rest of my life. I want to live my life according to me and my plans. I’m not going to hold off what I want for my future just because I don’t have “Prince Charming.”

But when being with someone, here is the number one thing I do look for: Courtesy. Courtesy has always been the number one thing I wish everyone had when dating someone. I wish I could pick guys brains and find out how they could so easily ignore/forget/mistreat the women they’re dating. It’s happened to me and my friends. It happens all the time. Do they think that avoiding us is going to make the problem go away? It’s only going to make it worst!!!! I’m not saying that every guy out there is like that; however, it is the common thing among jerks like them.

And even though I’ve cut ties with the guy in my previous post, I somehow feel like it’s not enough. I know it sounds crazy and stupid even, but I feel like I’m seeking some sort of validation that he’s sorry for everything. I find it hard not to think of him everyday still, but then again it’s only been about three weeks. And I am much better today than I was the first night so I know I’ll eventually stop thinking of him completely. I just wish it was here sooner.

A big part of me wishes none of it ever happened because he didn’t have the one thing I looked for in someone, which of course is courtesy. He never had any courtesy for me and I can’t believe how much I even cared about him after noticing it at the very beginning. Courtesy for someone could save a lot of tears and a lot of heartache. Why would you want to be the source of that causing it for someone else? But because of the person I know he is, I don’t want to fully regret him. Instead, I wish I could just know him. But after what we went through, he’ll always be associated with how he broke my heart and made me cry all the time. If he had just been honest with me and had the courtesy to tell me everything from the very beginning, then it wouldn’t have to come to the end that it did.

But I march on. I march on to the beat of my own piano notes. You thought I was going to say drum, right?!! Haha!! If you really knew me, you would know I’d change that cliché line about that stupid drum haha!! Thanks for reading :o)

Jessenia :o)