Ode To The Offspring of My Siblings

Ok, I swear this’ll be the last corny thing I write about. I have plenty of interesting topics to write about, but nothing inspires me more than my own family. So, stay tuned…….

One of the greatest things about coming from a large family is that there are that many more people in your life to love. The great thing about being one of the youngest in my family is that I get to see my oldest siblings have children. Aaaaah yes! The joys of children! Not that I don’t enjoy children, but I don’t imagine myself ever having any. Of course, that statement alone isn’t set in stone, so that could change in my future. However, for now, I take pride and love from the ones my siblings have, or hopefully will have in their future. Together I have eight nieces and nephews. Some close to my age, and one just under two years old. I hold a very distinct relationship with each and every one of them and no matter how long it has been since I’ve last seen or spoken to them, the love I have for them is as fresh as a ripe orange.

Starting with Josh, who can make you laugh at the drop of a dime, even though he and I have had our differences before, his quick sarcastic puns will keep you laughing after a couple hours the joke was told. Josh and I are the same age, actually he’s a month older, and I was always jealous of how much smarter he is than me in everything. We once took a history class together in Jr. College and I would always study very hard for that class, but he wouldn’t. I would get so angry at how he could easily answer all of the professor’s questions without looking for the answers. I would be flipping through my notes while he just blurted out the answers. “Jackass!” I would think to myself. Yeah I know it was mean of me to think that, but I was jealous of the fact that he knew all the answers even though he didn’t even study! But that was kind of expected from Josh. He has always been so smart without even trying. Kind of like my brother Edgar. I remember after school when Edgar and I would do our homework together. He would be sitting at the dining table for one hour, while I was there for almost five hours trying to finish. And guess who brought home the 4.0 gpa? Not me! I was lucky if I got by with a 3.0. I remember the difference in our high school graduating class. He was a proud number nine out of his entire class. While I was a lousy 83 in mine. Yup! That’s quite a difference! To this day, I still wish I was more like him.

Anyway, following Josh is his sister Johanna, who always seems to get caught in everything she tries to hide (sorry Jo, but this is true and everyone knows it). Her obvious subtle ways to be discrete are always disrupted by not being able to hide the proper way. It’s kind of like a square trying to hide in a circle so to speak. That’s why she would always get into trouble, because her corners would always be popping out from the circle! And you know this is true Jo!! But whether people know this or not, Jo has a true devotion to her family that took a while to come out. It might have taken a while to come out and be able to recognize it, but you know what……..I think it was worth the wait. I see that devotion in her now more than anything and I think the mistakes she has made in her past shaped her for that, which is actually the case in many of us. Another thing I admire about her is her talent in poetry. I know she doesn’t show much of it at all, but what I have been lucky enough to read goes far beyond what I could imagine writing myself. She has a true talent.

And following Johanna is her younger brother Giovanni. Giovanni! Giovanni! Giovanni! You, who I remember trying to put to sleep when you were a baby so you would stop crying. You, who hung from my hair like swing mad at me for not letting you go to the store with me. You, who almost overnight I realized that you are becoming (or actually already are) a young man. Just like Johanna, you too have a devotion to your family. I see the kind of relationship you have with your dad and I incredibly admire that. If only I could be so lucky. I see wonderful things in your future and I hope you don’t let anything stop you.

And now I come to Marybel, or for those of us in our family, Mari. My sister Mary’s only daughter. Oh man, there isn’t enough time to write about my partner in crime. All the trouble we got into, all the joys we’ve been through and hoping for much more to come. I know our relationship goes from strong to weak, weak to strong, like a teeter totter, but in the end we always balance out because we mean that much to each other. Just like last Thursday when I went over to your apartment and we hugged each other because we hadn’t seen each other in a while even though we live like ten mils apart. I know our lives can take us in different directions but hugs like the one we had last Thursday always connects me back to you. I know I’ll always have you and you’ll always have me.

Now it’s time for Estefania, or for those of us in our family, Miniquis. I wish we could see more of you but I understand the conflictions that come between our families. But everytime I see you, it’s a little reminder of your dad Chava (late brother). I always remember the time when I went to your dad’s house and he was holding you asking you to repeat something he taught you to say. He taught you to say “tres cinco cinco” and when you would repeat it, it would come out “tes ico ico” and he would bust out laughing!! You sounded so cute trying to say those three words. I think that with your dad’s death you matured faster than you needed to, which isn’t always a bad thing, but it would have been nice for your dad to see that. It would have been nice for your dad to see what a wonderful little girl you are, and the wonderful lady you will become.

Next up on my list (don’t worry, I’m almost done) are my sister Lupe’s kids Gessell, Brandon, and Savina. Let me start with Savina! Ay Savina! Savina! I don’t think there’s a more perfect name for you. You came into a perfect time in our lives a year and a half ago. Born on our late dad’s birthday, you literally brought everyone to tears on that day. I still can’t believe that the doctor let that many Mexicans in that hospital room! Do you guys remember? Everybody was in there! Even Carlos!! I know I missed your birth by like six seconds (and trust me, I was upset. I was cussing at the old lad in the elevator for moving too slow and my mom was yelling at me “calmate!!”) But, I think the right person was in that delivery room with you. I think it was better her than me. Not that I didn’t want to be there, because I did!

Now……Brandon! Oh Brandon! I see that you have your mother’s heart and your dad’s spirit. You take care of Gessell as if you were her big brother, when in fact, she’s a few years older than you. I always remember you’re reaction when I would ask you “Brandon, what would you do if Gessell had a boyfriend?” and you would angrily respond “I would beat him up!” while punching your fist into your hand making sure you show Gessell that you are her protector. You may be a younger brother, but your older brother characteristics show more devotion to your sister. And I’m sure you’ll be just an awesome older brother to Savina.

Lastly, but definitely not least, there is Gessell. You are growing up so fast before my eyes that I have to remind myself not to talk to you like a little girl anymore. I keep having to remind myself that you are a young woman now and I am damn proud that you asked me to be your nina (godmother for communion and confirmation). I’m sure everyone knows this, but you and I have a strange connection that is almost unexplainable. From the moment you were born, to the last time I saw you, we bond in a way that is stronger than friends but more than family. I know right! It doesn’t make sense! But maybe that’s the good thing about it. Great things don’t always have to be explained. That’s why they’re great and unique! There is so much about you that I admire. Your creativity, your generosity, your honesty, and most of all, your heart. I see so much of your mom in you and just like many of us, you hold your family deeply close to your heart. I remember your dad telling me this and I hope he doesn’t get upset with me for writing this, but I remember he said “Man, I feel like Gessell is so good right now that she is setting the standard too high for anything else she does. I feel like I will be very disappointed the day she falls in love because I can’t choose that person for her. I can’t be the one to say ‘choose this guy, he’s the best one.’” (quote is not word for word, just based on what I remember from that conversation.) That showed me how proud your dad is of you. We are all so very proud of you and I am for sure excited what your future brings. You are such a bright and intelligent young lady and I trust that whatever direction you choose to take your life in, it will be at your greatest attempt. You see people for who they truly are and give chances to those who deserve them. I always remember telling you “Be nice to someone because you want to be. Don’t be mean because everyone else is.” And based on the conversations we have had, I trust that you truly have a kind heart.

Well, this is the last of them. I don’t know what made me decide to write about my nieces and nephews. Maybe it’s because I wanted to recognize a piece of my extended family for a bit. Either way, thank you for reading and I hope you leave nice comments :)

Jessenia Lua
Your Tia!

A Letter To The Lua Sisters……

Not too long ago, I decided to write a letter to my sisters. I think it was around the time I moved into my own apartment and was feeling the difference between having roommates around me to suddenly living alone. After I wrote this letter, I made several copies of it and sent it to all of my sisters including my late brother’s wife Sylvia. I’ve always considered her family no matter what. Anyway, below is my letter to them. I hope it inspires you to stay close or re-build a relationship with your loved ones. Enjoy…

Dear Lua Sisters,

Even though I don’t talk to you everyday, I think about you everyday. I know it seems like it’s an impossibility, but it is impossible to not think about you everyday. Even if it’s for a fraction of a second, you are in my mind every single day. Just like Dad and Chava. Yes, they are gone but ever since they left, they remain in my heart and in my mind everyday. It’s not something that I have to remind myself to do; it’s just something that happens. Not out of habit, but out of natural life almost. I feel like I cannot function my day without the thought of you. Whether I’m walking to my car, doing my laundry, or picking up some groceries, you are still in my heart and in my mind. I know it sounds weird to others. But, not really to me. When I pray about you, I feel like God sends a magical orb around you and your families to protect you. And when that happens, it makes me feel so safe. I may be physically far from you but you’re less than a conscious second away. I look at you in ways that always inspire. Inspire me to be better, to know more, and to believe in miracles because of your sole presence in my life. I always thank god for the blessings of you. Having sisters like you is like having many layers of arms ready to catch me when I fall. There is no better feeling of that security. I thank our amazing parents for creating the lives of eight amazing children. Many things can go wrong with so much responsibility, but the right things were taught to us the right way that we’ve managed to stay together. I wouldn’t exactly say managed because it seems like it was effortless. An effortless love that exist among us all. We are so lucky that it doesn’t feel like we have to try to love one another because we naturally do. I cherish the mental connection between all of us. I say mental connection because in my mind I always picture a “connect the dot” pattern connecting us no matter where we are. And, no matter where I am and what I’m doing, I’ll always be thinking of you, my sisters. I love you.

From your sister Chena,
Jessenia Lua Garcia

UPDATE!!!

It’s hard to not start this update on my money problems and not think about how blessed I am to have my family and my job. First off, I knew that when I wrote that last blog about my money problems, that I would get criticism from my family and friends. Well, mostly from my family. I was expecting the “You need to be more responsible…” speeches and I understand the need for that to be said to me. If it were my younger sister going through the same thing, I would probably be giving her that same speech. However, I didn’t write it so that I can have people feel sorry for me or have them offer me financial help. If you look at the record of my past blogs, you’ll notice that a lot of them include stories about my family, but mostly they include my late dad and brother. I tend to write about what’s on my mind. And during the time I wrote that last blog, my money problem was consuming my brain. It was overwhelming me so much that I couldn’t even concentrate on my school work. I had already accepted the help of my mom when she offered it and I shamefully took it. It’s not easy asking for help, but being as close to my mom as I am, I took her help even though I didn’t want to. And I know that my mom is so deeply connected to all her kids, that when one of us stresses, she stresses. I know I stressed her a lot on that phone call, but to be honest, I don’t feel I could talk to anyone else like I do with her. Maybe this is one part of my life that I truly need to change. But asking me to not talk to my mom in the moments I feel that I need to, is like asking her to disappear. And I could not handle that. I just got a little teary-eyed thinking about it. But I do know this…….I don’t ever want to be in this situation again and am learning how to fix it myself. So hopefully this will never happen again and I will never have to call my mom with a similar phone call. I learn a lot from my mom, even in my desperate times, and I think she learns from me. I trust her enough to tell her my secrets (even though I may not have many) and I trust her to always love her kids. I was certain that she was going to tell all my sisters that I had a boyfriend this summer, but to my surprise, she kept it a secret because I had asked her to. It’s like every year she becomes more of this angelic figure in my life that I wish I could be. One day I will write a book about her. A woman like her needs to leave a legacy. And I hope to capture it in my words and in the words of everyone she whole-heartedly touched.

Now, with mom’s help I was able to get over a little speed bump before I had to climb a huge mountain that was followed by the speed bump. Enter: walmart! I obtained a second job working nights and weekends at walmart to help me pay off the check advances I got myself into. Yes it totally sucks working there but I need the job! A typical weekly schedule would be wake up at 7:30am, be at my full time job by 9am, leave my full time job by 5:30pm, change and get to walmart by 6pm, cashier for 4 ½ hours to rude people who constantly complain about the long lines, get hit on by old greasy short men (yes, this is actually true), leave walmart by 10:30pm, pass out when I get home (not even thinking about homework), and wake up to repeat it all over again (except on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I had night class). And of course let’s not forget the weekend shift, which included 8-hour shifts where my feet begin to hurt so badly from standing on them all day.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll last. With the check advances I got myself into, I thought I was going to have to do this until Christmas came. However, my boss at my full time job (where I’ve been at for more than four years) was able to help me out in this situation. I sat across her desk and explained to her what I was going through. With tuition, the check advances, and the late school loan that I was supposed to recieve, I had fallen way behind. She asked me “Ok, how much do you need to cover all of it?” I was embarrassed to say, but I told her. And within a matter of minutes, the check was written and I was off to the bank. At that moment, I felt so incredibly blessed. Yes, I do have to pay that money back, but with no interests and it will slowly be deducted out of my future paychecks at the amount I am able to pay.

At the suggestion of my sister Lupe, I started a balance sheet. I started it so that I can closely watch my finances and never have to borrow from check advances again or from anyone. I’ll slowly but surely be able to pay back my mom, sister Mary, and my job. But for now…..I’ll just count my blessings. Thank You.

Jessenia Lua